Is your partner a Gaslighter? Is there gaslighting in your relationship? Do you know what gaslighting is?
Gaslighting is a form of constant manipulation and brainwashing that causes a victim to doubt themselves. Gaslighting will eventually result in the victim losing their perception, identity, and self-worth.
This form of manipulation includes several tactics such as unreasonable judgment, mind control, and psychological abuse.
According to Preston Ni, the author of “How to Successfully Handle Gaslighters & Stop Psychological Bullying”, there are seven stages in which a Gaslighter controls a victim.
- Lie and Exaggerate. The Gaslighter creates a negative story about the victim. The victim is forced to defend themselves against false and generalized statements.
- Repetition. The Gaslighter constantly repeats the falsehoods to stay on the offensive, control the conversation, and dominate the relationship.
- Escalate When Challenged. When their lies are challenged, the Gaslighter escalates the disagreement by becoming more aggressive on their attacks, countering substantive evidence with denial, blame, and more false claims, planting more doubt and confusion in the victim.
- Wear Out the Victim. By staying on the offensive, the Gaslighter sooner or later wears down their victim. The victim will become discouraged, resigned, pessimistic, fearful, debilitated, and self-doubting. At this point, the victim starts to question her or his own perception, identity, and reality.
- Form Codependent Relationships. Codependency is defined by Oxford as “excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner.” In a gaslighting relationship, the Gaslighter provokes constant insecurity and anxiety in the victim. The Gaslighter has the power to grant acceptance, approval, respect, safety, and security. The Gaslighter also has the power (and often threatens to) take them away. A codependent relationship is founded on fear, vulnerability, and marginalization.
- Give False Hope. As a manipulative tactic, the Gaslighter will sporadically treat the victim with mildness, moderation, and even superficial kindness or remorse, giving the victim false hope. In these circumstances, the victim might think: “Maybe he’s really not THAT bad,” “Maybe things are going to get better,” or “Let’s give it a chance.” The temporary mildness is often a calculated maneuver intended to encourage complacency and have the victim’s guard down before the next act of gaslighting begins. Gaslighters reinforce a codependent relationship.
- Dominate and Control. The pathological Gaslighter’s ultimate goal is to control, dominate, and take advantage of another individual, or a group, or even an entire society. By maintaining and escalating a continuous stream of lies and coercions, the Gaslighter keeps the victims in a constant state of insecurity, doubt, and fear. The Gaslighter can and will exploit their victims as they please, to strengthen their power and increase their personal gain.
The bottom line is Gaslighting like other tactics of abuse is used for the common purpose of controlling victims.
