I have been delivered from my abusive relationship since 2009, my divorce was final in January 2011. I thought that was the finale. It was finally all over. Unfortunately, that was not the ending of it all. There is a remnant that remains with me.
I can clearly remember those nights of fighting and crying. I can hear and feel the sting of the many terrible names he called me and the awful things he said about me. I still experience the symptoms of depression, insomnia and crying along with a few other health issues that developed as a result of the stress and trauma from the abusive relationship.
Many people seem to think it’s completely over if you pack a bag and walk out the door. No! Hell No! The end is not that simple. There are many survivors like myself that have walked away from abusive relationships but are still dealing with the remnant from that relationship.
Over the years I became a master at wearing a mask and hiding my hurt and pain, pretending everything is fine. Often my world at home was falling apart and was in shambles but on the outside, most people had no idea. No idea I was a train wreck. No idea I was in pain or even sick.
I threw away my mask in 2009 but I often look for a new mask. I wake up many mornings seeking a way to hide the remnant. The remnant haunts, pains and almost paralyze me on a regular basis. There is no pill for the remnant. I can’t close my eyes and just wish it all away. This remnant is the thorn in my side.
I can’t stop or allow this remnant to paralyze me or cause me to abort the vision God has given me. I’ll never wear a mask again. I’ll take the remnant with me to every speaking engagement, every workshop, group meeting or community event and allow God to get the Glory out of it and me.
